Etiquette

     

I am not Audrey Hepburn, but when I think of the word Etiquette she pops into my head.  A woman with style, well groomed, well dressed for the times and for the weather. A woman with class and a natural beauty.

Where did it all go I sometimes wonder.  I try not to be a judgmental person.  Actually I consider myself to be very understanding and accepting of all styles and classes.  I don't differentiate and I dislike status labels.  I don't like to think of myself as a snob either....that is not what I am.  Snobbery annoys me at the best of times. I am usually flexible in my dress sense, I don't always get it right and by no means am I a fashion expert. However I believe there is a time and a place for everything and then there isn't....

Here's what I mean:  When I was growing up my parents always expected us to be clean, well dressed, on time and ready to go.  We were usually the first one's to arrive.  Upon arriving it was droned into us that we had to shake everyone's hand or kiss them on the cheek 3 times.  Depending on whether they were family or friends would depend on the handshake or kiss.  If someone older then us walked into a room and you were sitting, you had to stand and shake their hand and introduce yourself.  At big functions we had to say hello to all the people we knew and were my parents age or older and then we could go off with our friends and enjoy our evening.  During meal times we had to sit at the table and eat everything on our plate using cutlery according to each course.  We could not leave until the plates were removed.  We were also told to ask questions if we didn't understand something and to participate in conversations as it was impolite to sit there and say nothing.

When it came to what we wore it had to be weather appropriate.  No opened toe shoes in winter. Usually for me it was stockings a skirt a few layers underneath my jumper or coat.  A hat or beanie was optional and gloves too.  In summer it was tasteful dresses and nothing above mid thigh.  My father did not like me wearing a lot of make up in my teens...but I would always sneak in some eyeliner, eyeshadow, mascara and lipstick...sometimes using the lipstick as blush.  We were also taught to be respectful of others, to learn what other nationalities find acceptable or not and to never offend.  Every country has rules regarding etiquette.  Hand gestures, eye contact, bowing, hugging and even kissing all have a different meaning.  In Europe men kiss on the cheek, here in Australia its not the case unless your family is of European background.  So its important to know these things especially if you travel.

These days I still carry with me all of what I was taught in that regard.  If you speak to my child hood friends they will tell you I was always well groomed.  That no matter what my circumstance I always took the time to comb my hair and wear some make up. I also hate being late.  I actually hyperventilate when I think I'm going to be late. When I see people wearing thongs (flip flops) or sandles in Winter with no stockings but a scarf and a hat I don't understand what the thinking process was behind this.  Do you think your going to be warm if your half naked from the waist down?  Then come Summer I find that you get all sorts of things showing up that your eyes may find it a bit too much...

 

      Some good winter attire. A Coat and Boots are always a good staple for the cold months.

You don't have to be naked to look good.  There are some great dresses out there. Maxi dresses look great on nearly everyone. (Unless your a man).





Not all of us were born with size 0 figures.  But some people dress as if it really doesn't matter.  There is nothing wonderful about having bits hanging out and drawing attention for all the wrong reasons..I have many friends in all shapes and sizes. There are so many places you can now go and buy clothing that suits your body shape.  Its not about trying to look wonderful or trendy, its about looking comfortable and happy.  Nakedness should be reserved for behind closed doors. Semi nakedness to the beach in a bathing suit and even that has its limits.  I think trying to look like a street walker is not attractive.

I also don't understand women who are obviously in the twilight of their lives dressing like they are 19.  Recently I saw what I think was an 80 year old wearing shorts almost to her throat. It was not a good look and that image is still in my mind.  That is what triggered my inspiration for this blog today.   What happened to those sweet grandmother's that make you  treats and hug you in their big bosoms wearing clothes right down to the floor.  I miss my Grandmother and could not imagine her wearing anything past her ankles. When I think of her I think of freshly baked bread, a warm fire and her big laugh.  I think I would be mortified if I arrived and she was wearing a mini skirt and dancing on tables.  But we live in a crazy world.  I'm just glad my Grandmother wasn't part of it.


I will most likely get told off for writing this blog.  But I wanted to say that no matter what your shape or size or age, gender, or background.  You can still look amazing without trying to be someone your not or without trying to follow fashion that does not suit you.  Accentuate your best points and for goodness sake in Winter wear a coat or a jumper.  A singlet top and shorts does not count as a Winter wardrobe staple!

I really like the style's they had back in the 1920's, 30's and 40's.  I love it that men wore hats and suits and women had beautiful hairstyles with exquisite clothing.  But most of all the behaviour towards people at that time was also different.  The way someone would look you in the eye, pull out a chair for you and women would just glide.  Even I need to improve in some areas but most of all I think we all need to take a bit of time to show respect not only to other people but to ourselves.
  
 If you can start with YOU then everything else will fall into place. 

     The 1920's Bowler hats and drop waist dresses and skirts.  Hair was neat and tucked away.

The 1930's Butterfly sleeves, shoulder pads for men and women, elegant coiffed bob hairstyles.

1940's Vintage Suit. Hats were popular for both men and women. The fashions of this time were all about accentuating the hour glass figure and most skirts were to the knee with cinched in waist lines.





 “Respect for ourselves guides our morals; respect for others guides our manners”
― Laurence Sterne

Nostalgia

As I sit here in the wee hours of the morning thinking about things I need to do or haven't been done I find myself floating off to a different time.  We all miss parts of our past lives and as I get older I find myself thinking about these times more often then before.

My earliest memories are a mixed bunch. And there are so many of them.   I have the times my brother and myself played on our Grandparent's farm overseas, always finding interesting things amongst the tall grass and trees. An old beat up car was our favourite.  We didn't have cubby houses in those days. It was just us, a few sticks and stones and an empty car we pretended to drive.

 Sometimes we would climb out the window and wait for the horse and cart to come along filled with watermelon. My grandfather would approach the cart pick out the melon and it would be cut up all while sitting under the window sill which was just above the footpath.  Then  we had the days with me running thru cornfields and not coming home till nightfall.  Spending time in European snow was another one.  I still to this day when visiting, jump into the snow and roll around much to everyone's amusement.  In Australia we went up in the mountains to enjoy the snow.  Mt.Buller being our favourite!

 Photo taken not long before we migrated to Australia  in 1971 from left to right: Uncle Ivo, (mums brother) My mum Katarina, my mum's sister Auntie Marija (Mara), my mums other brother  Uncle Miso, My Dad Jozo. Sitting:  My grandfather, mum's dad Pero and my grandmother mum's mother Andjelka and little me....




 

Me rolling around in snow.  This photo was taken Mt. Buller, Victoria approximately 1983



 I do have a memento from the time I picked up a bell that belonged to a goat and then had to run for my life when the Goat decided to chase me.  I was 7 and I still have this bell as a keepsake. Its one of the only things I have left that hasn't broken or been accidentally thrown out.

 The infamous bell I stole from a goat in 1977. Has lasted the test of time. Its one of my most cherished possessions. I can still remember running for my life and gee that was one angry goat.


I also had my first taste of alcohol as a teenager.  It was Kruskovac a sweet pear liquer.  It was very sweet but deadly and I had lots of it....and lots of it came back up again. I have never had this again.  To this day I'm not big on alcohol.  I definitely didn't inherit the Balkan, Baltic or Australian love of drinking.  I also loved the food. (That I did inherit) This was the time when no one even thought about diets nor did we know what that was.  We ate all the wonderful specialties including the tasty stews, creamy, decadent desserts oh and the fresh doughnuts, my mouth waters just thinking about it.

 My first experience with alcohol.  Pear liqueur.  Never again is all I'm going to say about this.

Doughnuts.  Who doesn't love them?  Home made and fresh. Yum.  I would love some right now!



We were lucky to be able to experience a bit of the European lifestyle. Even if we did grow up in Australia!! We brought some of it with us along with everyone else who came here.  I love it that we have the different varieties of food from many diverse cultures and we are so fortunate to be able to experience that.  We had international days at my school.  Everyone would bring food, photo's and dancing groups would show us their style and the music was fabulous.

You can't go without thinking about Summer in Australia.  Back then it wasn't as hot as now. We would spend morning till afternoon on the beach then go across the road to the park and have an evening bbq.  Sometimes it would just be fish and chips wrapped in a newspaper costing almost nothing. Chips were 20c back then for a bag!There would be parents and kids everywhere.  Not to mention our annual holiday down the coast sleeping in tents and running thru the caravan park.

 A special moment between father and daughter. One of our many trips to the beach. A beautiful time.
 Photo taken in 1981 Williamstown Beach Victoria.


I especially remember weekends with my parents.  Actually weeknights too.  We went everywhere with them. No babysitters in sight and my dad would always take us out while my mum worked on Saturday and Sundays.  We would start with either are hearty breakfast of scrambled eggs with sausages and onion mixed in or it would be piping hot Vienna White bread with butter and jam.  We drank coffee but only a light amount in warm milk and we loved it.  We visited museums, parks, the city, rode on trams, ate chocolate out in front of Parliament house. We went to dances, had endless fun parties and visits during the week and they had time for all of this on top of their hard laborious jobs.  They embraced all that was on offer and they gave us the best memories of that time.


My dad took photo's of all our outings and gatherings.  We have so many albums full of a life lived.  The photo's I have on here are all his work.  I am grateful as he has left me so many snapshots of our adventures.

Back in those days there were no fancy cakes bought.  It was all handmade by my mum.  Who is in this picture with me.  Photo taken 1977 Melbourne, Victoria.

New Years Eve not sure what year this was (approx 1981 or 1982) but I do remember the dance and how much fun we had.  My parents, their friends and the kids. Those were some great times.

My brother and I visiting the many parks in Melbourne where we grew up.  We never spent our days indoors.  My father captured this moment perfectly.  The carefree nature of our childhood.

This was taken at Footscray Park.  Behind us is the Maribyrnong River and behind that in the distance is the Flemington Racecourse where The Melbourne Cup is held every year.  My dad always made us pose for photos and we always complained.




I have to laugh  I spent quite a bit of my childhood in the 70s and 80s.  The fashion we had back then borders on horrendous and insane. First we had flares, crochet tops and everything was tight at the waist, flared at the bottom and brown in colour mostly! Then came the bubble gum jeans and leg warmers on top.  Fluorescent T-Shirts and socks, bangles and netting on top of your clothes. Sniff and scratch shirts became popular and Choose Life T-shirts from the band Wham which stirred up controversy in its own right.  We had those big wide belts and puffy skirts and who could forget shoulder pads and bright make up that stood out for kilometres.

Me in my 70's get up.  Blue Flares, Orange top, white hat. Bit of a mish mash but fashionable for the times.  This photo was taken in 1976. We were off to the Melbourne Zoo.

Bubble Gum Jeans.  This is exactly what they looked like and how tight they were.  I think now they have the modern version and its called Skinny Jeans.  I must admit they were comfortable.




 And let's not talk about hairstyle's...ok well let's talk about hairstyles.  The gravity on some of our hair do's in the 80's would even defy space.  The amount of hairspray, mousse, gel and whatever else kept hair up was astounding.  I honestly don't know how any of us have hair left.  ( Well some of us don't ). And then there was the perm.  I had 3 of them and boy did I think I looked good.  I wasn't the only one with the perm.  The boys were loving their curly mullets.  It was a sign of masculinity back then. haha.

 What most guys looked like back in the 80's.  A perm was a big deal.  A permed mullet was an even bigger deal.  You were cool and you knew it.  We can only laugh now.




But besides all that is laughable some of the best music came from the 70's and 80's.   I remember rocking to Foreigner, Kiss, Whitesnake, AC/DC, Mondo Rock, INXS, Bon Jovi, Bruce Springstein, Twisted Sister, Pet shop boys and then you had Wham, Adam Ant, Billy Idol, Boy George, Belinda Carlisle, Pat Benetar, Cindy Lauper, Madonna, Brian Ferry, Michael Jackson, Cool and the Gang, Lionel Ritchie, Chaka Khan, MC Hammer,  and many many more.  It will take up another page to write them all down. Let me not forget break dancing.  Every child wanted to master it and you would find kids everywhere practicing. We had the teenage angst movies, Breakfast Club, St.Elmos Fire, 16 Candles,  There was Police Academy and Flashdance, Footloose  and who could forget Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing. I remember Night clubs were called Discos, we had no mobile phone's so I wonder how we ever organized to go out and meet up.  None of us used the internet or the computer, there was no social media and to ask someone out you had to get a home phone number and call. Most of the time your father would answer and  that would be the end of that.  haha.

 80's singer Adam Ant.  Real name: Stuart Leslie Goddard. Lead singer of Adam and the Ants.

 80's female pop star Cindy Lauper.  Real name: Cynthia Ann Stephanie Lauper.  Famous for songs such as:  Girls just wanna have fun and Time after time. 

 One of my favourties INXS.  Great Australian Rock Band. Cannot wait for the mini series about their lives.  Never Tear Us Apart and Original Sin are just two of their hits.

 The movie Flashdance.  We all wanted to be Jennifer Beale and dance like her.  Until we found out she had a body double.  Leg warmers and sloppy joe tops never looked so good.

 Every teenagers favourite highschool movie about detention.  I could watch this over and over and never tire of it. Some very funny moments. Detention was never like this at my school.

And who could forget the movie Dirty Dancing.  We were all in love with Patrick Swayze and wanted to be flipped, twirled and held. The one line that's stayed with us:  No one put's baby in the corner!!!

Break dancing.  I tried so many times and just couldn't do it.  The dance started on the street and exploded world wide.  We didn't have Gangham style.  We had Break dance style.



I sometimes wish for those times.  Everything seemed easier and more romantic.  Every generation will most likely say the same thing about their time as kids and teenagers. But I think these days the world of Information Technology has taken a bit of the mystery out and bombarded us with too many images of things that are really confusing and not appealing.  Too many choices and not enough imagination.

I worry for my children.  They will have to be extra careful with what they put out there and what they do with photos, videos and anything else that can be bought, sold and used to embarrass and bully. We live in a time very different to our own childhood and of our parents beforehand.   The teachings of those times are outdated.  Some things like discipline have had to be streamlined.  No more whipping from parents. Its illegal.  You have to learn to adapt and help your children cruise through this world with as much guidance, support and love as you can.  You can hold onto a few things like respect and teaching your children to be kind human beings.

I will in time take my children overseas and hopefully they will experience a little of what I did in those days.  If not eating watermelon outside then maybe having an ice cream from the man selling them on the bike or rolling around in snow and having a white Christmas.  Who knows they may even have their own goat chase them and bring home a keepsake.

But whatever the experience they have I hope they can look back fondly as I do and have no regrets about days gone by.  Life is to be enjoyed and memories are to be made. Material things are temporary but when you leave this world you take your past and present with you.  The future you give to your children and those that are left behind.

Your legacy is your memories.


The only real treasure is in your head. Memories are better than diamonds and nobody can steal them from you”
― Rodman Philbrick, The Last Book in the Universe