Catch up

It's been a while since my last entry. 3 weeks if not more. Sorry about that.  Sometimes life becomes quite hectic.  I have had my daughter's Christening and the preparations that went with it all.  I have had interstate visitors to entertain and my God sister is here from Europe.

I now have Z's birthday to organize and my son's.  So hopefully when all that is done I can sit down and have a breather.

Amongst all of this I have been de-cluttering and re-organizing things in the home. Well the study to be exact.  I spend a lot of my time there.  Whether its on the computer or paying bills or just doing some personal stuff.  I started to feel it was all falling on top of me so I've been cleaning it out, redecorating and adding a few nice little knick knacks.  Mind you I could have had it done in a couple of days.  But I'm working it around the kids and the busy life I'm leading.

I have enjoyed going to our Home Maker stores and picking out a few little things.  I love IKEA. They have so many practical but nice things you can buy and it doesn't cost you the Earth.  I bought a stack of draws and its amazing how nine draws can clear up half a room.

I've been throwing out all my old make up and brushes and I've invested in some brand new stuff.  I love makeup.  I love wearing it and buying it.  I love someone buying it for me.  I love perusing make up counters.  I have been watching you tube videos to to see which products are rating well in reviews.  I never buy anything without researching it first.  Call me pedantic or whatever but I will read the written reviews and I will watch the video demonstrations. Then I will make a decision.

While I was there,  I thought I would look at some tutorials on make up application, which brush is used for what, etc.

WELL!!!  Let me tell you.  I always fancied myself as a bit of an expert in make up application.  I don't know what I've been doing all these years, some how I've pulled it off.  BUT  I've been doing it wrong!  Some of the ways I have been applying my make up hasn't been too bad, however, after watching these tutorials I see now how I can improve the way I do things.

I decided  I seriously needed to re-think the products I'm using and the way I'm putting it on.

I started by buying some good brushes.  I have yet to receive them.  I've also invested in some new Eyeshadow/Blush pallets, foundation, lipstick, liners, primers and concealers.  Some are a bit pricey but some are extremely affordable.  I am always out for a bargain.  But I like good quality products.  So even if its cheap I won't buy it if its rubbish.

When I receive all the products I have ordered and tested them I will write up my own review.  I think its important to know these things. Its not World changing, but if, like me,  you want to do things the right way and use the right products then this is for you.

Three straight nights of watching make up reviews and tutorials has really opened my eyes up.  Some of the people on these Video Blogs have more make up then I will ever use in a lifetime ( and I thought I had a lot) but to them its a hobby and a passion.  I have enjoyed watching and some of them have fantastic storage and organization skills.  I am happy they shared all of this because I've picked up some fabulous ideas of my own.

I can't wait to try everything and to finally have my study neat and tidy!! It's half done and I see great promise!! I am excited.  I will finally have a great room to retreat to!

That's it from me for this time round. Enjoy the weekend.  Hope your all well.  I will be back soon!

I leave you with this: 

Everything is theoretically impossible until its done!!  Robert A Heinlein

( Bit like my study really)

Many Faces

I have recently had to reassess things in my life.  Not the life I have with Z and the kids but the people who I am surrounded by.

I have always taken people at face value. I'm not judgemental. I have never been a person that can lie very well or as they say these days FAKE it....I am upfront and very honest.  Direct for more of a better word.  This has not always been in my favour. However I have always felt its a better way in the long run and yet I sometimes have to ask myself did I ever really leave that High school I went to?

I will admit I'm not perfect.  I have gossiped at times and have maybe had a strong opinion on something but never have I gone out of my way to be vindictive, cruel or horrible to people.  Usually I will have it out with someone, we will say what we want and that will either enable us to move on and continue being friends or go our separate ways.

As I get older I like to think I'm becoming wiser, calmer and more understanding.  However this isn't how everyone operates.

I used to think that bullying happened only when you are young, immature, learning about your place in the world.  But I am mortified when I see that it still happens even with adults and older one's at that.

Its either people are dissatisfied with their own lives and have to attack others, some like doing it as it gives them a sense of power and others just do it because they need to make themselves feel better.  Others liken it to a form of sport.

I have been bullied most of my life.  Mainly by women.  Usually its jealousy.  I had to learn to stand up for myself pretty early on in my life.  I was never afraid to physically protect myself if I was attacked and verbally I usually just say my peace and go.

I know how it feels to sit at home crying because really you have done nothing wrong and yet you feel like a loser. 

I remember I loved going out with women more attractive than me who would get attention and then I wouldn't have to worry if I was hated because of it. I could just blend in and do my own thing.  I disliked being judged on the way I looked and people thinking they knew me just by seeing my face once.  If I got up and danced and was happy with a smile on my face I was judged for that too.  If I opened my mouth and discussed something I thought was interesting, I was labelled a know it all.  If too many men paid me attention then the claws would come out.   Its like there was always someone wanting to bring me down.

But you know what?  It didn't destroy me.  It made me angry, emotional and yes I would cry and feel hurt.  However, I have always had a very strong mind.  I allow myself a few weeks of downtime to let the hurt go away and then I pick myself up and move on.  There is nothing that will break me.  Its my way of saying Stuff you ( well the polite way of saying it).

This brings me back to the beginning of this blog about me assessing things in my life.  See,  no matter what age you are and no matter how many times you go through these things you don't always see a snake in the people that are around you.  Even if you think you know what one looks like.  People have many faces.  Some have more than most and others just have two.  The one they want you to see and the one they don't.

Some snakes have the face of an angel.  Magnificent personalities, they suck you in with their charisma and their vibrancy.  They make you feel that you are the greatest human being in the world and that you are their kindred spirit. Its like being drunk or in love.  You are seduced by the way they treat you. You think that you have finally found that friend you can talk to, about anything and everything. They, will always tell you if they are unhappy with something, that they will always be there for you and never ever judge you.  Its like meeting your twin.


And then out of the blue, they turn on you.  No explanation, no reason.  Just because they just don't care.  They don't care about your feelings, they may be  jealous of your life, they can't handle people who they cannot control or manipulate.  You may have said something but they won't bring it up, they will just harbour resentment.  They also choose the most vulnerable time to do it.  Like that final kick in the guts.  They have no backbone and when push comes to shove they don't have the courage.  None at all.   Basically they walk away and kick you to the curb. To me they are cowards and then they like to make themselves look like they were the saints or some kind of victim.    When really all they ever are a evil. Sadly there are many people like this in the world.  It's nothing new.

You really have to ask yourself: Are things just sometimes too good to be true?  Is that person a bit too friendly, are they a bit too infectious, do you really need to bare your soul to someone, do you have time and really can you trust anyone these days?

For me I think that was it.  No more.  I am tired.  I have my kids and so many responsibilities at this time in my life.  I am sick to death of the talking and the negativity.  Of so called people who can talk behind your back but not to your face.  Really are we not passed those days?  I was hoping that how you project yourself is how you are.    I am an adult, I don't have time for childish games.  If someone doesn't like me so be it.  You cannot be liked by everyone.  You want to talk about me go ahead.  At least I'm always in your thoughts.  All I know is that enough is enough.  From now on its out the door.  I won't even be polite about it anymore.  I do not want my children seeing this as an example.

I have many people I call my friends. Some are a constant, others distant but these friendships have been tried and tested.  You go through your ups and your downs but you always find a way to work it out.  You share your happiness, your sadness, birthdays, family celebrations.  You have mutual respect and you know your boundaries.  And no you are not twins.  Unless by birth.

These are the people that are in it for the long haul.  The one's who know who they are and actually know who YOU are. 

I am just glad that I am able to rise above this.  I know deep in my heart my trials and tribulations.  I know what battles I've fought, won and lost.  I know what I can handle and what I can't.  But most of all I know that no matter what the people who create evil, and use it to hurt people are the one's that will be left wondering was it worth it.

I have never met a vindictive person yet that hasn't received their own form of Karma.

I would like to say to anyone out there who has experienced something similar to believe in yourself.  Always remember we were all brought here for a purpose. Some of us have had to work hard for what we have, others not so much and others are brought here to test us.  Somewhere down the track you will be either rewarded or punished.  You will carry the scars but, you will learn from it all.

 In my most down times in life I have always told myself that the pain is temporary that things will always get better and can never be worse than in that moment. That tomorrow is a new day, and so is the day after and so is the day after that.

These experiences shape us.  Make us who we are.  The most important thing is to draw strength and stay standing.

There are two quotes I absolutely adore and I live by and they are:

"Better to die on your feet, than live on your knees"

and

"Better to be hated for who you are, then loved for who you are not"


There is always a bright side and there is always something better.  Next time you feel betrayed by someone just remember, its a reflection of their personality and not yours.  You were just too good a person and they didn't deserve you.


Keep smiling and watch out for those snakes.

Sleep?

I often sit here late at night reading or typing out this blog.  During the day its quite frantic.  I don't get a chance to sit down properly and think. My children make sure I am not left alone for more then a second and I can't hide in the toilet either as they will follow me. 

So I'm left to organize and plan and tick off things from my to do list late at night when everything is quiet and I can focus.

Problem is that when I'm finished (which is never before midnight at the least).  I find myself unable to fall asleep for quite a long time.  This is not something that's only recently come up because of my children.  I have had this issue since as far back as I can remember.  It doesn't matter how tired I am I cannot go to bed early.  I think the only time I was ever forced to go to sleep at 8.30pm was when I was pregnant and suffering from severe afternoon and night sickness.  I didn't have morning sickness. When I feel nauseous I have to lie down and shut my eyes and block it out.  I think this was more passing out then sleeping.

In my teenage and highschool years I remember reading my books or novels to way past midnight.  Sometimes I would finish a book in a couple of nights or a day and I guess I formed a habit whereby, unless I read before going to sleep it just wouldn't happen.  Even then my mind is racing and I'm thinking of 100 things I need to do, want to do and have to do.  I've tried counting sheep, I always have a cup of tea every night either a chamomile or mixture of something that hopefully does the trick.  But its not always successful!

The tv is a nuisance for me.  Z loves falling asleep to the sound of the tv.  I dislike it flickering, dislike people talking on there. Its just noise for me!   But it works for him so he has to either wear earphones or go in the lounge room.  If he starts to snore then there is no sleep for me.  I like to be in a dark quiet room.  No lighting and no movement.  Finally when I do go to sleep I am woken by one of my children.  One wants to cuddle up with us in bed as he's had a bad dream and the other wants to be fed.

At least I could sometimes sleep in on the weekend.   Yes could. Past tense.  There is no sleeping in with my kids ever. Those days are gone.

So how do I remedy my problem.  I need to try and go to bed at least by 10.  Read for about half an hour while drinking my tea and then lights out.  You need to train your body into a routine.  I have done this before and it has worked.  I think sometimes I just want to squeeze everything I can in my day so I don't miss a thing when really the most important thing is for me to sleep well so I can function the next day.

There are some rules to follow for a good nights sleep which is recommended by health professionals. I have tried all of these below and have had some success with most. Here are just a few:

No food consumption at least 3 hours before sleep time.

No Electrical devices such as phones, tvs or radio.  Even when they are off their frequencies can keep you awake.  And don't watch tv for at least an hour before bed. 

No coffee after midday.  Too much caffeine can keep you wired and wide awake.

No caffeinated soft drinks also after midday.  For the same reasons as the coffee.

Try to exercise at least 3 to 4 hours before but not right before bed otherwise you will be pumped to stay awake.  Exercising before bedtime only encourages you to feel less sleepy.

Drink a herbal tea or warm milk mixture to help you relax.

 

Read a light novel or magazine.

Take a few deep breaths in and out and clear your mind.

Wear an eyemask if needed to get complete darkness or keep your room dark.

Make sure you are in comfortable sleepwear.  Something that will not overheat you but keeps you snug.

Change your bedsheets at least once a week.  A nice clean bed will give you incentive to jump in and go to sleep.

Vacuum your bed, the floor and curtains.  Get rid of as many bed bugs and dust mites as you can.

When washing your sheets dry out in sunlight to get rid of dust mites as well.

If none of this works see a a doctor or health professional that may prescribe sleeping pills, but I would use this as a last resort.  There are some vitamin supplements you can take which might be safer. St John's Wort is a good one and Chamomile extract.  I have tried them and they have worked.  I'm not a fan of popping pills constantly.

Where there is a will there is a way.  If you know of any other remedies please share. Who knows we may all eventually get a good night's sleep!

Signing off with this today:  Hopefully one day we will remember the days we had sleep!

Easter

I don't know about you, but I'm just getting over all the Christmas and Australia day celebrations when bang before I know it it's Easter.  Not that I wasn't warned. As soon as the Christmas decorations come down and all the Christmas stock in stores went on sale,  in came the Easter bunnies and chocolate eggs.  Actually Christmas didn't even leave the building before Easter muscled its way in.

Again its another weekend of prayer, lent and then a huge feast.  In my faith which is the Christian Orthodox religion there are those who do lent for 6 weeks. But if you can't do this you can do it for one day at least on the Good Friday out of respect for Jesus Christ and all he went through for man kind.   This year Easter has fallen on the same days as everyone else so we are all doing it together.

Throughout  my life and as long as I can remember Good Friday was spent eating bread with a mixed relish or dairy free spread. Sometimes we had a Tuna salad with beans or my dad would make his Fish Broth, which I loved and am sharing his recipe with you below.  There was to be no alcohol and no music. No cleaning or washing.   Just a day of reflection and quiet. 

In our household it was also a day of dying and painting eggs. My father was the one in charge of dying eggs.  My brother and I were in charge of making them shiny with a bit of oil.  My mum would get the day off to relax.  The main colour was Red to represent the blood of Jesus Christ.  But my Father also liked to incorporate, Blue, Green and Yellow.  Sometimes he would use an onion and a stocking or leaves to make different patterns. 

I absolutely love this tradition and I am carrying it on for my children.  That is what I spent the day doing on Good Friday and my son who is almost 4 now really enjoyed helping me.

Easter Saturday is usually spent shopping and buying up last minute chocolates or food needed for the following day.  My mum and dad would start cooking all sorts of things on the Saturday before and even on Sunday morning.  We would usually go to midnight mass and join everyone in a prayer.

Sunday is the big feast day.  There is everything you could possibly imagine on the table and more.  Sometimes we would be joined by other members of the family and other times it would just be us.  But there was still an abundance of food.  Suffice to say we never ran out and had plenty the next day.    Easter Monday we would just relax if we had the time off, eat more food or go out and spend the day with friends.

Before we feast and sometimes after we would all grab one of the painted or dyed eggs ( which are hardboiled) and play the game of cracking each others eggs.  You grab one of the painted eggs and you all smash each other's shells.  The person who's egg is not cracked or smashed wins. See demonstration below.  It was always a fun thing to do.  I loved it when I was the winner.

However you choose to spend Easter please be safe and take care.  Some will be holidaying, others will be home with families and other's still who do not follow religion or don't care for Easter will be doing something I'm sure.

Below I have added my Dad's Fish Broth and a couple of demonstrations on how to dye eggs.

Happy Easter and Happy Holidays!!



Dad's Riblja Corba:  Fish Broth

  

Ingredients:

1 large chopped Brown Onion
2 to 3 large cloves of finely diced Garlic
Fish of your choice.  I use Carp or Barramundi (slice in portions)
I large Carrot finely diced
2 Celery sticks finely diced
4 Button mushrooms ( optional )
1 Capsicum finely diced and seeded
1 can of diced tomatoes
1 flat tablespoon of tomato paste
1 red chilli seaded and diced ( or chilli flakes half a teaspoon )
4 cups of Good quality Fish stock ( or make your own)
4 cups of Vegetable stock
2 Cups of Water
2 teaspoons of Vegeta ( You can buy this in the stock section of your supermarket or Deli
1 tablespoon of Sweet Paprika powder
I bay leaf
I tablespoon of chopped parsley ( you can use dried )
1 teaspoon of chives
Salt and pepper
2 tablespoons of oil.


Method

In a large deep stock or soup pan add the oil and  brown onion and cook for a minute on high, add the carrot and celery and cook for a  couple of minutes on high stirring occasionally.  Add the capsicum and cook for another couple of minutes on medium.  If you like mushrooms which I do add them at this stage and cook for another couple of minutes on medium heat.  Add 1 can of diced tomatoes stir and cook for 2 minutes adding 1 teaspoon of vegeta.  Add Bay leaf.  Stir.  Add vegetable stock stir and bring to the boil, turn down and simmer for about 15 minutes. Add tomato paste stir. Add sweet paprika and stir. Cook for 5 minutes. Add chilli and stir.  Add Fish stock, stir let cook for another 30 minutes.  Add parsley and chives.  Add water and cook for another 30 minutes on a simmering flame.

Meanwhile season your fish with salt and pepper and a bit of extra smoked paprika. Cut to desired portions.  Add to the vegetable broth and cook for about 20 minutes or until fish is nice and flakey. Taste and season accordingly.  You can add some more parsley, vegeta, chilli or chives if you desire. If you feel your stew is disappearing add more water.

Let rest for 15 to 30 minutes before serving.  This way all flavours will combine.  Serve with crusty bread.  Once you have this you will never look back.  Its one of my favourite things to eat in the whole world.  So try it and see how you go!!!


Instructions on dying eggs: 

Hard-boiled eggs

Paper towel or newspaper

Bowl or cup deep enough to completely submerge an egg

Tongs, egg dipper, or slotted spoon

1/2 cup boiling water

1 teaspoon white vinegar

Liquid food coloring (about 20 drops per color)

1. Start with cool hard-boiled eggs.

2. Protect your surface by covering with a sheet of newspaper or paper towel.

3. Fill container with the mixture of water, vinegar, and food coloring.

4. Place egg on spoon and dunk, turning occasionally so both sides get color. Keep in liquid for up to 5 minutes, leave in longer for a darker hue.

5. Carefully remove the egg and set aside to dry.

If you’re using a store-bought kit, simply follow the instructions on the package.


Or

10 drops food colouring

1 teaspoon of white vinegar

1/2 cup of boiling water

1 tablespoon of Olive Oil

Glitter Optional   


Directions:


1 For each dye bath combine 1/2 cup boiling water with 1 tsp vinegar and 10 drops of food coloring in a bowl. Start with 5 drops red and 5 drops yellow, for orange for example, or 6 drops blue and 4 drops green for turquoise.

2 Dip hard-cooked eggs in dye bath for 3-5 minutes, extend time for richer color. Try using tongs to dip only half an egg in one color, then dip other half in a different color.

3 Use tongs or a slotted spoon to remove eggs and place on wax paper to dry, blot any excess with a paper towel.

4 For tie dyed eggs, add 1 tbsp olive oil to the mixture and stir with a fork. Roll egg gently in bath to pick of streaks of color. Remove egg from bath and blot oil off with a paper towel, then dry on wax paper. Once dry, lightly dip in another color if desired.

5 For glitter eggs, brush dried dyed egg with a thin layer of craft glue. Spoon glitter over egg, allow to dry on wax paper. To put glitter on only part of an egg (half blue, half red for example), use masking tape over the un-glittered part (or use stickers for shapes) and once dry remove masking tape and glue/glitter the remaining area.

6 For letters, numbers or shapes use small vinyl stickers (office or hardware supplies) and place them on the egg before dying. Once slightly dry peel off stickers gently. You can also use a white crayon to write names or draw pictures.

7 If you plan to eat your easter eggs, never leave them unrefrigerated at any point for more than 2 hours.

Quote of the day:  Easter is meant to be the symbol of hope, renewal and new life. Janine De Giovanni

                                   

Boundaries

In life we are always told to know our boundaries.  Whether that be in the playground, at work, our everyday relationships, with strangers and in our families.

We are taught to respect our elders and speak accordingly, be polite have manners and know when to speak and listen.  There is certain behaviour that is deemed acceptable and there is a natural order of how to do things.

Not everyone is taught these skills I must admit.  Or people from different backgrounds, ethnicities, religious groups and upbringing have a different view on what this is.

  What is right for one person isn't another.  What someone considers personal space another person considers their right to invade.  Some children don't feel they owe their parents an explanation for their behaviour. Some adults feel they can say what they want when they want without consequences.  Some people don't believe in loyalty to anyone not even friends.  Others just believe walking away is the answer.  Others still are fearful and judgemental.  Not willing to look outside the box and see that not everyone is the same.  That being different isn't a bad thing and not everyone was born to fit into society's conforms.  Where should the line be drawn?

I have had many debates with friends and family members on what is the right way to bring up a child.  Do you give them freedom and space and let them develop with their own will.  Allowing them to form more of a friendship with you then you being the authoritarian.  Or do you set boundaries, have rules and teach your children that you are the parent not the friend and there are ways to behave and show respect.

I favour more of the latter.  From the experience of people I know and their relationships with  Mother's and Father's and what I have seen going down the friendship road has not always been ideal.  The intention to mean well is there but somehow all respect goes out the window.   I was brought up with the notion that your parents are just that.....your parents.   Friends come and go. But your mother and father will always be there no matter what.  It is the Holy Grail of all relationships and in most cases your very first one.  You give respect, you don't answer back, you listen and you abide by the rules of the house until you reach adulthood.  Then when you have come of age you can make your own decisions and hopefully learnt enough to go on your way.  I have also realized as I have gotten older that this has worked for me in many ways, that learning these boundaries has made me a tough and responsible individual. Through trial and error I have managed to make this part of my life but in no way has it limited my freedom.  It has actually enabled me to be freer then I imagined.

My father was the main authoritarian in our household.  If you did not follow the rules or you overstepped your mark you knew about it.  He was a tough disciplinarian.  However he was a good teacher. He prepared us for the hard times, he gave us skills to be strong and responsible and he taught us many things about life and people.

I am lucky that even though my father could be a hard man he was also very good at allowing me to be the adult when the time came.  It was like all these years of hard work and discipline paid off.  He allowed me to make my own decisions and learn from my own mistakes.  But he was always there in the background if I needed a hand. (Although I was too stubborn to ask for it).

 Many times in my young adulthood and latter years all the things he said to me or repeated to me over and over really came to mind.  We don't often look at our parents as people who know what they are talking about. We forget they were once in our shoes and we forget all the struggles they went through.  We always think "Gee why are they making it so hard" but really everything I was taught or spoken to about was in one way shape or form an experience they had before me or something I could learn and take with me.

I am glad I didn't look at them as my friends.  Because if I did that, we may not have had such a good relationship.  I may not have known how to value them or understand them.

Boundaries I feel are needed especially in early forming years of children's lives.  They need guidance, routine and a sense of security.  We didn't have to worry about bills or mortgages.  There was always food on the table and a roof over our heads.  My father would allow us to go out but we had to set our own curfews and we had to make sure we stuck to it.  My parents gave us the tools to be strong and independent but to always know how to behave in every circumstance. 

I'm not saying there were not times we tested our mother and father.  There were a lot of those times especially from me.  I questioned everything, demanded answers and even when disciplined would fight for my rights.  I always used the excuse that I was a good student, behaved well and didn't deserve the discipline.  But my parents were right on every occasion.  Especially with my father's words of " You will see when you become an adult how tough the world is out there and how hard it is to be a parent"  And I must admit he was right, right about it all.

My father is no longer with us.  He passed away in 2011 unexpectedly at the age of 62. I am sad he is not here to be with my children and pass on his wisdom, he would have made one hell of a grandfather and he was for a short time before he was taken from us. 

But,  I am his daughter, and as my mother always says I am exactly like him in many ways.

So in my household my children will know they have a Mother and Father.  That above all we are their rock, their security, and the people they can come to for anything. We will be there for them through thick and thin and never abandon them.  They will learn in time that some friendships are not meant to be.  That they cannot always rely on other people.  That first and foremost they need to rely on themselves and know they have us there as support. Always.

I would like my children to grow be strong, kind, open minded people, with confidence and a sense of self, knowing we are there to guide them all the way.   When the time comes and physically we are no longer here, I can only hope we have given them enough skills to contribute and participate in this big sometimes unforgiving world.  Hopefully they will know their boundaries.

I'm not sure if everyone agrees with me and I don't expect that everyone does. But let's revisit this topic in about 20 years and I will let you know if I have been successful.

I will sign off with this which I think sums it all up:

Life and Death

Recently there has been quite a few deaths in the celebrity world.  Mostly from drug use and overdoses.  Some from suicide. When I hear about someone taking their own life I am transported back to 1999, the end of my 20's, the end of a century and the end of a life gone way before its time.

Life was pretty fast back then.  Working 3 jobs and partying every other night.  You could say part of it was tough and part of it was fun.  Financially I struggled to pay bills but miraculously managed it all.  I refused handouts. My pride wouldn't allow it and even though there were days I felt alone and depressed, I always knew there was light at the end of the tunnel. That everything would find a way to be sorted out.

But that's me.  Not everyone thinks that way and sometimes for some people there is no light anywhere.  Only a great big, long pit.  A tunnel with no way out and an abyss of darkness.

My friend B was a charismatic, generous, intelligent and all round wonderful human being.  He could make me laugh with his imitations of people and he would astound me with his memory.  He remembered everyone's name after meeting them once, even the difficult ones!  He came from a family of wealth and privilege,  and never wanted materialistically for anything.  He was always there for you, would make sure you were alright and would offer you everything just to make certain you were happy. He was the best friend you could ever have.

But what I didn't know was that B held a dark secret which I only found out much later. Too late in fact.  He was depressed and unhappy with his life. He had been diagnosed with Bipolar (manic depression) and was not managing it.  He was a recreational drug user which only made it worse.  I remember one conversation we had where he said to me "Ana somedays I just don't want to be here, its all too hard"  To which I replied "Don't be ridiculous you have everything you want, your life is not hard at all"

What I didn't understand or forsee was the seriousness of his comment and the gravity of which his depression had taken hold.  A person who gave so much but didn't ask for anything.  He always seemed in control.  Happy go lucky with the occasional off day. He hid his pain and depression very well. That conversation haunts me to this day.  I sometimes don't sleep because I wonder could I have done anything to help him and would he be alive if I just saw the signs.

When I did find out that he had taken his own life, I felt shock, anger, extreme sadness and for days after his funeral I just walked in a daze. I was furious but beside myself at the same time.  I remember his brother telling me to not be angry, to not blame myself that none of us could do anything. But I couldn't help thinking if I had just listened and paid attention maybe just maybe it would have made a difference.

The sad truth is that I most likely would not have been able to do anything.  That someone when determined and when in their dark hour will do what they set out to do.

I was always taught to suck it up when things were tough.  To not feel sorry for myself and to just get on with it.  But even so there were times I even entertained the idea of going away. Permanently. Not  seriously really.   But never could I go through with something like that.   There is nothing worse then seeing your loved one's suffer when you go.  I just couldn't do it to those I know care for me. During B's funeral it struck me just how many people loved and cared for him.  But no amount of love could save him.  For whatever reason he just decided that was it.  He had planned it, he took care of all his finances and left things for his family to find.  He was done.  No Goodbyes.

I have been very ignorant about mental illness.  To me it was a weakness.  I couldn't understand why people couldn't fight it, rise above it.  I always thought killing yourself was the easy way out, that it was selfish and stupid.  But I now see that its a lot more then that.  Over the years I have seen some people get through it with the help of families, friends and therapy.  I have also seen others spiral out of control and never recover.

None of us are born the same, in the same circles or circumstances. Some of us are tough on the outside but extremely fragile and vulnerable on the inside.  I think we should all be mindful of our surroundings.  That we should ask ourselves why this person is the way they are and treat everyone how we would like to be treated.  Never underestimate or overestimate the behaviour of a person and if you see a friend you feel is not coping, ask them if they are ok or just be there for them any way you can.  If you see someone who is coping too well, then that may also be cause for alarm.

For those of us who have children, we can only hope that we can instill in them a sense of self, a strong belief in their abilities and give them the tools to fight their way through this unforgiving world we live in.  Teach them to be strong, to know how to deal with difficult situations and to be compassionate and kind human beings.

B is someone that is very much missed.  Every year I light a candle for him to commemorate his life.  I always hope he has found peace.  He taught me the greatest lesson.  To never take my life for granted and to keep my mind strong.

I would like to think that he would be proud of me and that he knows he was one of my greatest friends.

To anyone out there feeling down and feeling blue.  Tell someone. Tell a friend, a family member. Don't feel you can't open up to someone.  It is hard but its better then battling it alone.  You can also call a hospital or a lifeline number and they will talk with you.  Don't despair and don't sit there thinking you are better off not here.  Chances are there is always a better way and you can get there with a little help.

It doesn't matter if your a celebrity or your average Joe, at the end of the day we are all people no matter where we are from.  No one is invincible, and no one is made of stone.  We all have problems that need dealing with, we just have to push through them and get onto the path that's meant to be.

 You will get there.  Just fight!  Fight for your life and know you need to be here.  The world is a better place for having you in it.

Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.

Joseph Campbell

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/j/josephcamp384345.html#CyRzsK0Xq6b5Bdia.99

Find a place inside where there is joy and the joy will burn out the pain:  Joseph Campbell

Quick and Easy.

Some days I really need more then 24 hours to fit in all the things I need to do!!! When I was single and living on my own, I didn't think I had enough time for everything so I would just not worry about it.  I could always, while I was out, eat dinner.  I could leave the washing for tomorrow, cleaning could be done once a week and hey, washing my car would be once a month.

If I was really busy then I could always pop in and visit my mum and dad who would at least feed me.  When I was living interstate, a family would adopt me and I would eat with them once a week or so....or I would whip up something quick and easy, there was no time for extravagant eating.

I felt I was just too busy with my work, my social life, events, holidays that needed planning, trips away for the weekend and let's not forget shopping for shoes, bags or outfits. I had to squeeze it all in.

And then I had kids. Why ever did I think I didn't have time before?  These days the laundry is a never ending pit.  Just when I've completed one cycle here comes another.  The kids need to be fed nutritious meals.  Two minute noodles will not do.  Then there is cleaning the house.  Once a week.  What?  Not any more...try about 4 times a day. I just finish vacuuming and bang something gets spilt or knocked over. The shopping needs to be done, dinner has to be cooked, kids toys need to be put away and I need to fit in a toilet break....Not for the kids but for me!!!.   Then I have to provide entertainment, My baby girl needs her bottle, sleep time, and constant nappy changes. My son wants a DVD, or a game to play or a drink.

Usually its the late evenings when everyone is asleep, and the dishwasher has been filled I can actually sit down and write this blog or read.  Every morning before the kids wake up and while I am getting my day ready, I try and read a bit of the news and check my emails. I do this at the end of the day too. I check all other social media  on my phone while doing other things.. I miss those days when I could read the papers on a Sunday for hours just relaxing in bed in my pajamas.  These days its me reading to my children and its usually a story of some far away land.

I have learnt through all this to at least cook food that is nutritious and doesn't take up too much of my time.  I'm not a fan of junk and I don't like giving it to my kids.  Z and I are not getting any younger so its important we look after ourselves.  I will share some of my go to recipes for you  today.  These are the meals I cook when all I have is about half an hour or less.  They taste great, are easy to make and most of the time I have the ingredients in the pantry, fridge and freezer.  I sometimes vary the recipes depending what on what I have.

Always keep frozen fruit and vegies on hand so you have back up when the fresh stuff runs out. Staples such as rice, cous cous, Quinoa, pasta, polenta, potatoes, lentils, soup noodles, sauces, diced tomatoes, stock, condiments and dried herbs.

We may all be busy, but no reason for us not to eat, take a breath and enjoy our surroundings.


Quote of the day:   "Slow down and enjoy life. It's not only the scenery you miss by going to fast-you also miss the sense of where you are going and why."
--Eddie Cantor



Green or Red Curry Prawn Stirfry

Recipe: 

1/2 Kilo of  Green Prawns tails on
2 large tablespoons of Green Curry paste, you can buy Red or Yellow depending on the level of hotness you like.  Green being the hottest.
I can of light coconut cream
I bunch of Baby Buk Choy
1 small can of sliced waterchesnuts
1 carrot sliced thinly
I can of baby corn spears and stems
1 small bunch of broccoli
4 mushrooms sliced
2 packets of noodles. Any of your choice will do.  Or Jasmine rice.
Vegetable Oil
Sesame Oil
1 teaspoon of Fish Sauce
2 or 3 dried Kaffir lime leaves. (or you can get these in a jar at the supermarket).
1 or 2 limes.

( You can use any vegetables you have for this.  The more you use the better)

Method:

Slice up all the vegetables. In a small girdle pan sear the prawns for 30 seconds on each side with some salt and pepper and remove immediately.
In a wok add two tablespoons of oil,  Add carrots, waterchesnuts, cook for a minute. Add mushrooms, cook for a minute. Then add  the baby corn, cook for another minute add the broccoli.  Cook for another minute.  Add the 2 tablespoons of curry paste, cook another minute.  Add the coconut cream, 4 drops sesame oil, I teaspoon of fish sauce, 1 teaspoon of lime juice, and a couple of Kaffir lime leaves. Add the prawns and simmer for a minute. Add the baby bok choy.  Turn stove off and let flavours combine. Taste and adjust seasoning with salt and pepper if you wish. Meanwhile cook rice or noodles as directed on the packet.  Using bowls, add the rice or noodles with the Prawn Curry on top.  Garnish with some lime wedges.





Thai San Choy Bow

Recipe:

1 Cos lettuce
500 gms of turkey mince or chicken mince.
1 brown onion diced
2 cloves of garlic diced
6 small mushrooms diced
1/2 cup of cooked peas (optional)
I shredded carrot
1 long red chilli (take out if your serving to kids)
4 spring onions sliced into small pieces
1 tomato diced or 6 small cherry tomatoes quartered
1 tablespoon of Light Soy Sauce
1 tablespoon of Ketchap manis
1 tablespoon of Coriander ( from the squeeze jar in the salad section of the supermarket)
1 tablespoon of lemongrass
1 teaspoon of ginger
1 teaspoon of sesame oil
1 teaspoon of lime juice
1 cup of chicken stock ( or one stock cube with one cup of hot water)
salt and pepper to taste.

Method:
Mix together light soy sauce, sesame oil, ketchap manis, coriander, lemongrass, ginger, lime juice, chilli, garlic. Place to the side.
In a pan pour 2 tablespoons of oil of your choice. When heated add the onion and carrot and cook for about 2 minutes on high heat. Add the mushrooms cook for a minute then add the mince salt and pepper to taste and break up with a wooden spoon. When half cooked add the marinade mixture you made and stir.  After a minute add one cup of the chicken stock stir and leave to cook on medium to low heat for about 5 to 10 minutes. Add cherry tomatoes and cook for a further 5 minutes add extra pepper and salt if you wish. Add the peas last. Salt may not be needed as soy sauce is salty.

Tear apart lettuce so they form cups. Wash, pat them dry and line them up on a chopping board. Place two to three tablespoons of the mixture in a lettuce cup and garnish with the spring onions. Eat with hands and enjoy!



 Marinated Salmon, on Potato Mash, with Wilted Spinach and cherry tomatoes.

Recipe:

For 4

4 Salmon Fillets skin on
9 potatoes
1-2 tablespoons Olive oil for the mash
Splash of Milk
Salt and pepper

3 cups of baby spinach
garlic
Olive oil (tablespoon)
salt and pepper

Marinade:

Coriander, Lemongrass, Ginger ( from the squeeze tubes in the salad section of supermarket) Use approximately 2 teaspoons of each.
2 tablespoons of soy sauce
2 tablespoons of sweet chilli sauce
A splash of sesame oil
2 thin slices of palm sugar ( or a teaspoon of brown sugar )
1 teaspoon of lime juice or rind. ( you can use both if you like the flavour)
Mix well together in a bowl.

Method:

Place Salmon or fish in the marinade coat evenly. Wrap bowl in glad wrap and leave in fridge for approximately 30 minutes or 10 minutes if your time poor.

Meanwhile cut potatoes into small cubes and boil for about 20 minutes till soft. Drain put back into saucepan and olive oil and some milk, salt and pepper mash and stir. Or make the mash how you like it. I have made mine on the lighter side for this recipe.

Remove Salmon from fridge, slightly heat pan ( griddle pan is the best ) add a tiny amount of olive oil and add salmon skin side down. Cook for about 2 to 3 minutes on each side. If you like it well done cook it for an extra minute. Make sure you don't dry it out. Once done put aside to rest.

Cut garlic into small pieces or dice. Add to a saucepan with the olive oil and heat. When garlic starts to sizzle add the 3 cups of baby spinach and let wilt for 2 minutes take off stove.

Cut about 10 Baby Roma tomatoes in half. Add some salt and pepper and a splash of balsamic vinegar

Arrange mash first on plate, add salmon then spinach on top. Arrange halved tomatoes around your plate. Use left over marinade on top as a sauce.

Tastes fabulous with a good White Wine. Preferably a Semillion Saugvinon Blanc. Even Moscato will do.

Enjoy!


30 minute Quiche.

Recipe:

1 brown onion chopped
2 garlic cloves finely chopped
2 cups frozen mixed peas carrots and corn
4 Mushrooms sliced and quartered
2 x Chorizos quartered. ( You can use left over ham, bacon, chicken if you prefer.)
6 eggs.
1/2 cup of milk
2 tablespoons Olive oil
3 drops sesame oil
2 tablespoons of soy
Dried chives
Salt and pepper Optional.

Method:

Rinse frozen vegies pour into a microwave dish fill with water, Just covering the vegetables. Microwave for 8 minutes
Meanwhile pour olive oil in pan cook onions for two minutes on high. Add Chorizos cook for another minute. Add garlic and mushrooms cook for a minute. Rinse and drain the microwaved vegies add to the pan along with sesame oil and soy. Cook a minute take off heat. Turn oven on to 180 degrees C. Using a rectangle baking dish lightly oil and add baking paper.

Pour cooked vegetable and meat mixture in pan lightly flatten with a spatula to keep even. Beat the eggs, add milk and chives, beat some more and pour into dish. Meat and vegetable mix should be just covered. Cook for 20 minutes or until set. You can add shredded cheese on top if you wish.  Serve with a salad.

Enjoy


Scrambled Eggs and Vegies

This makes a terrific breakfast on toast or can be eaten as a side accompaniment to other dishes.

Recipe: 

1 small brown onion
Half a large Red capsicum
1 tomato
1 cup of baby kale or spinach chopped
2 cloves of garlic
6 eggs
Half a cup of milk of your choice.
Salt and pepper to taste.
 2 tablespoons of Olive Oil.
 Chives.
Method:

Chop all the vegetables to roughly the same size. In a large pan on medium heat 1 one tablespoon of Olive Oil add the onion cook for about a minute. Add red capsicum and tomato cook again for a minute and then add the chopped garlic turn heat to low. Add some more Oil. Beat the eggs and add milk and chives.  You can use fresh or dried.  Add salt and pepper to taste and pour into pan and at the same time pour in your kale or spinach or both if you prefer.  Cook until eggs are just under done and moist.  Serve with a light salad, on toast or eat as it is.





 Oysters Kilpatrick

Makes a fabulous entree or quick snack.

Recipe:

1 dozen Oysters in shell.
Diced or shredded Ham or bacon bits.
Worcestershire Sauce.
Salt and Pepper
Lemon Wedges
Rock Salt
Parsley

Method:
Heat oven to about 180 degrees C.
Using an oven proof rectangular dish pour in the rock salt till its about 1cm high and the base is covered.  Arrange oysters.  Pour in a little Worcestershire Sauce into each one. Add some salt and pepper. Add small handfuls of the ham or bacon. Put in oven turn grill on and grill for about 5 minutes.  Take out of the oven.  Add some more Worcestershire Sauce, Garnish with parsley and cut lemon into wedges.  Eat as is and enjoy..!





 Berry Smoothie:

When you don't have time to cook there is always a smoothie.  Healthy, delicious and will keep you going.


Ingredients:  Serves 2

I big glass of milk of your choice.  I have used Unsweetened Almond Milk
1 handful of Frozen strawberries and raspberries. ( You can use any berries you wish)
1 banana.
1 teaspoon of honey
2 teaspoons of LSA
2 teaspoons of Psyillium Husk
1 teaspoon of chia seeds
Few blocks of ice

Method:

Blend all ingredients together in a blender. Pour in a tall glass or sports flask.  Can hold in the fridge for a day.